I don’t know if I will be posting tonight.

I have spent the last 2 hours ballistic crying, and throwing up from being so upset. Colt got hit by a car right in front of my eyes and he didn’t make it.

Luckily I think it snapped his neck instantly and the tires didn’t go over him so it wasn’t gory, and he went really quickly. I was able to have him in my arms sitting in front of my house on the grass sobbing and saying goodbye and feeling so bad for him. Telling him that I’m so sorry. My baby.

What made it worse that even with him totally gone, he was still so pretty. His fur and his little teeth. I felt so bad. Like it’s my fault for letting him out. He normally wouldn’t cross the street but he saw some kids across the street and he ran over cuz he wanted to say hi. Then he was trying to run back to me with this car going really fast hit him.

I don’t know if I should be posting this.. I am not looking for attention or sympathy but it’s my blog and he was my best friend, and I know a lot of you knew about him and liked hearing about him. I just don’t know what to do. He was so young it’s like how do you cope with that. He would have been 1 year old this month. I spent the last 15 min picking up all of his bones and chew toys and dog bowls and putting them in a box out in the garage cuz I don’t want to see them. It’s going to be really hard seeing his sister, that my cousin has. It’s also pretty hard cuz I just put my older dog I have had for 16 yrs to sleep a couple weeks ago.

My mom is taking it pretty bad too, my dad will have a hard time too but right now he is being the strong one and figuring out where to take him to lay him to rest, etc. We huddled together and had a family cry session in the backyard.

I don’t know what to do. Only 1 year old.. I almost feel like just pretending he never existed but I know that’s impossible. He was my best friend. He slept in bed with me every night. I don’t know how I am going to sleep. I have anxiety problems as it is, and this is making my hyperventilate. Sorry I’m ranting I just.. DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MYSELF. UGH WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME. WHY TO HIM? He was so good! so pretty. so perfect. 

I’m not going to post a picture of him right now cuz my heart cant take it but for any of you who never got to see him you can check out his pics here. Thanks for listening you guys. Maybe I’ll post later if I think it will distract me. I might delete this post later if I can’t stand to see it on my blog. I love you guys.

I just want to pet him.